Empty Shoes

Most every day I come home and open my garage door to find this…



Shoes lined up in every direction, making the short walk from my driveway to the back door a bit of a challenge.

I have yelled, I have threatened, I have screamed and I have picked them up more times than I am willing to admit!

NO MATTER what, I still find them in this position most every day.

If I’m being honest, I’d have to admit…I get so angry every time I see them. I have bought shoe bins, shoe bags, and shoe shelves and NOTHING, I mean nothing, works with this family of mine. LOL!

Last week, as I returned home and opened the garage door I, once again, saw my welcome home shoe banner.

I stopped and stood there…looking at each pair.

Cowboy boots, size 14, belong to hubby. We had the best night out looking for the perfect pair and we found them…and here they are…here on the floor.

I see the water shoes Jacob wears. His tender feet need a little help on our days at the pool. His first pair of ‘high dollar' sandals are close by as well…lol! We made this purchase proudly; after all, my baby needs the best for his little feet. Not to mention his pacing can wear out a pair of shoes faster than you would believe. :)

I remember hearing the Doctor say, “he’ll never walk,” and then I see both pair... here on the floor and my heart is filled with joy and I am overwhelmed.

My oldest, home from college, has the most I think. All types too...flip flops, slip-ons, black ones and brown ones. As I look at each pair, I realize...these shoes have traveled around the world, covering the feet of one who brings good news…our Josh, the missionary. My heart fills with love and pride as they all lay here, here on the floor.

In the middle of the boy’s sea of shoes, I spot my little girl’s. One pair! She, like her mom, puts things where they belong (most of the time anyway). Standing there in my garage, I think of how these shoes will walk the halls of high school for the very first time, in just a few days…and my heart *sighs*.

One day my kids will have their own garage and their empty shoes will no longer create a path (or obstacle course) from my driveway to my back door.

How will I feel when that day comes? When I arrive home, and there is no 'banner' of empty shoes to greet me? Part of me might be happy, but most of me will be sad.

These empty shoes that once made such an awful mess and made me angry suddenly became a beautiful mess that makes my heart smile.

So...today if you come home and find a path of empty shoes...look a little closer and you'll see, not the empty shoes...but the ones who wear them.

I hope your heart smiles today and that you’re able to find the beauty in your mess.
Steph

Here...

Today I should be writing about my 3 beautiful children and all the joy they bring me. I should be sharing photos of our vacation and the sweet memories of our trip. Today I should be posting all the cute and loving stories I have started for my blog. I really want to finish them, but some days I am just stuck. Stuck in the past and I hate that.



Today I want to hide out in my bedroom and forget about the world of responsibilities. I want to keep the blinds closed, and the phones off...I want, I want, I want...*sigh*.


A little over two years ago my life was introduced to a great sadness, and it has kept me company most days ever since.



No one died, yet I still grieve.


I don’t mean to be mysterious, or then again maybe I do. Maybe I am ashamed, or I have too much pride to write all the details of my heartache. I think to myself, “it’s been 2 years, it’s time to get over it”…but I can’t, I just try to get through it.


Some days are good, they are honest, they are happy and I am present…I love those days; I wish I had more of them. Most days, I pretend and pretending makes me so tired. However, days like today are my combo days... days filled with sweet moments that pass to quickly, moments of pretence, moments of honesty and then there’s the sad moments. These tend to take up most of the day. These moments are between me and God, sometimes my bf and now you.


I debated as to whether I should post this. I’m still debating! ;)


Will sharing this part of me really help? I don’t know, we’ll see.


I know God has a purpose for my life and ‘pretending’, is not part of that purpose.


I want to let go of all this hurt and pain. I want to hit the STOP button on the sad movie that replays in my heart and mind, over and over again. I want to open the blinds and let the SON shine in. I want to be honest and helpful to others... I want, I want, I want….*sigh*


...and so today I find myself HERE.


Here, behind the screen.


Here, where I am a little stronger.


Here, where I won’t pretend.

Here Comes the Rain

Playing in the orange grove at my aunt’s house is one of my favorite childhood memories! We would pick oranges, and eat them until our bellies hurt. Back then we didn’t care if the juice ran down our chins, our hands and even between our fingers; we had not a care in the world.

My cousins and I would stand in the middle of that orange grove and watch for the rain that would eventually come in the afternoon. Someone would yell “Here comes the rain” and we would take off running. We would always run ahead just a little, and then stop and watch the rain come closer. Then at the last minute right before it reached us, we would take off and run ahead again. We would barely make it to my aunt’s front porch before the down pour.

These days, Im not standing in my aunts orange grove, I’m standing smack dab in the middle of life. Where most days, no one is yelling “Here comes the rain”, and there seems to be no porch to take cover, and I find myself caught in the down pour.

It is in the downpour moments that I am learning to trust the rain, HIS rain to free me from all the messy things that I have allowed to cover me, and wash me clean. And on the days I see it coming, or I hear a voice saying “here comes the rain”, I run as fast I can to my father’s porch and allow him to cover me with HIS love. Because after all my life is HIS life and he’s not afraid of the rain!